Anecdotes to Learn From

Here are some more "visual" ideas of what art life is like in my little world of fun and insanity. Along with my usual anecdotes.

At my school there are two high school dorm buildings, each consisting of three floors and are connected by the "connector building." The two buildings are called Sanford and Moore.
To get into these buildings you need a "one card" which grants its wheedler access to virtually any high school building.
Also I have gained 5 pounds

One day I woke up at the usual 7:00 a.m. and got ready super duper fast. I decided that I should go back to sleep seeing that I had half an hour to go until Algebra II. I set my clock for 7:55 and snuggled back into my clean Ikea duvet. 

To my despair my alarm failed to wake me and I saw through my sleep blurred eyes that it was in fact 8:18 and I was late for my 8:00 class. 

Remember Pam?

I have a younger brother who recently turned I think 11 two weeks ago. He decided to take a trip to the south's favorite theme park CAROWINDS! I didn't want to be stuck with overly excited parents and five preteen boys so I begged requested that I bring a friend of my own. My delightfully overwhelmed mom allowed me and so my theme park adventures with my beloved Stuart began. 

We wandered along by ourselves and got into the line of "The Carolina Cobra"
The line was the shortest of all the rides that we had seen so we were only standing for about 20 minutes
However, when it came our time to strap on the plastic and eat our own stomachs, the ride broke down. 

We were assigned a project recently in Pam's glorious class. It involved many patterns so it's easy to make your composition look muddy.
I thought I had achieved a new level of cleverness when I made all my patterns based off of the human body. Not according to Pam.

During my two months at this school I have learned many things.
1) you are not learning art, you are learning how to be your at teacher
2) If someone is wrong then they will get their ass handed to them later in life so you don't have to bother
3) Forget sleep, you don't need that shit anymore
4) Showers pssssshawwww not important. Artists are supposed to be stinky
                        

We were handed a task one day after we "drew" sound. Take down any pieces of newsprint that don't portray the sound correctly. my good friend Austin began to rip down sheets and the feeling of ripping the hopes and dreams of children from the wall overwhelmed him. He ripped down everything in sight with no proper reason. 

If you have ever heard of the fan fiction My Immortal then you will understand this. If you have not, please cover your virgin ears and run away whenever the atrocity is mentioned. 

Well, my lovely friends Austin and Bailey, both aspiring artists, were reading the horrible abomination with me in a small artist studio that stank of ball sweat. 

For those of you who have read My Immortal you will understand how hard you laugh when it is read out loud. 

Hopefully you have learned from my little fables:
1) Lord of The Rings jokes are ALWAYS funny (to a point)
2) Clocks are shifty bastards
3) It's still morning at 1:30 p.m.
4) It takes a lot of energy not to cry sometimes
5) Shower yourself in work and you will feel like crap.
Shower yourself in water and you won't smell like crap
6) Doesn't matter if it's good or bad, keep your art away from Austin
7) Fart jokes... he he he 

Cosmic

I tend to enjoy strange teachers who have the most bizarre backgrounds and secrets. However, the Design teacher is the most bizarre people I have every come across.

Before classes actually started we had a little art class get together and we discussed what exactly we would be doing in the program.

Then we took a class picture. Cramming twenty-four high school kids together in one small hallway is almost an impossible feat but we somehow accomplished it ad took four disgustingly uncomfortable pictures.

As we exited the hallway I felt a pat on my shoulder and I noticed the Design teacher. I asked what she wanted and she just answered with two hard hits on my shoulder then ran off.

Throughout the rest of the meeting she swayed inside and outside of the doorframe, interrupting as she pleased.

Once the actual arts classes began I realized that she wasn’t having a weird day, my design teacher was crazy.

Her opening speech was about how she went to school for Sculpture and Design but then went back to school so that she could learn how to install carpets.

CARPETS

She was a member of a drum circle. As she explained it: “I played the drum that went oompha oompha”

She told us of her Rastafarian days and every other adjective that was used was the word COSMIC.

Don’t get me wrong; when I am in class and she is barking orders in a way that makes you sweat and cringe she becomes the scariest woman in the world.But then she will say some kind of statement that makes laughter impossible to prevent.

I have hears many horror stories from the VA 2’s about how she lives off of perfectionism and the broken dreams of children.

I fear for my life and my sanity in this class. 

First Comes First

I remember that the first day of school is always exciting and fresh, whether or not you are going to a new school or the same one as before, but I also remember being so terrified that I lay awake at night and just think of all the ways I could screw up my life forever. 

On the first day of third grade I screwed up so bad that my stomach still goes up my throat when I think about it.

It was about four days after the open house and I was walking down the hallway of the new shiny big kid building. I was finally out of the dark, dirty “little kid” building and I felt like the biggest kid on the planet. (Although I was a measly four feet at the time) I tried to remember which room it was, the one with balloons, or the one with the cheerful butterflies.

Using my amazing third grade logic I walked into the favored room with butterflies around the door.

I walked in and was greeted by an unfamiliar woman who took my lunchbox to a cubby and had me sit at a desk. I looked around at the strange looking kids that weren’t at the open house and began to panic. I got some glares and some giggles and thought that they were laughing at how I was sitting or what I was wearing.

Finally a boy that I knew leaned over to me and whispered that this was not my class. I had chosen the room of a fourth grade class.

Traumatized I began to cry and I stood up and yelled to the teacher that I was in the incorrect class.

I have had more embarrassing school experiences on the first day ever since that day. Whether it was having a hole in my cereal bowl at lunch or going to the wrong class at the wrong time. I even showed up with a horrible asymmetrical haircut and full on spandex and was taken out by a teacher and told that I was dress inappropriately. I always dread the first day.

I am now enrolled in an arts school and I have spent the last weekend in orientations and dorm living. So far it has been fun. I enjoy my dancer roommate and hanging out with the other awkward adolescent art students but slowly the date has snuck up on me. 

The first day of academic classes starts tomorrow at a bright and enjoyable 8:00 am.

I have gotten all of my supplies together and yet I still know that I will do something that will forever have me labeled “That one blue haired girl that did that thing that was hilarious.”

During the four-day orientation I have already shown up late for four panel discussions and staff introductions. I have missed out on two block parties and have yet to make friends with one single drama student, although I do not enjoy many of the obnoxious theater geeks that I have seen roaming the campus.

I am having fun at the school so far. The people are quite strange and unique but I fear my day of academics that is looming over me like a dark shadow. Even worse is the day that the arts start up and I have to deal with the terrifying art teachers that I heard numerous rumors about.

Something tells me that I am going to end up on the teachers' bad side but who knows, maybe my terrible luck will change and I will finally get a good first day.